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Post by Xinnai on Aug 19, 2008 18:25:24 GMT -8
Golden head shook and laughter spilled forth. It was mirthless, merely an exclamation of the very thought that had been posed to her. Neither cutting or biting, it just was. "Oh no, they can't take that from me. They wouldn't ever dare take Deoneth from me." Their entire conversation was skirting any word that could be considered blasphemous, any word that could land the goldrider into more than her fair share of trouble.
"It's more they wish to take the responsibilities and other such things that come along with being Deoneth's rider. It's really what I-fear, at the moment." A hesitating pause, not sure she wanted to admit the weakness to this mindhealer. But she was here, so why not?
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Post by blueaid on Aug 22, 2008 18:53:04 GMT -8
It was skirting it, yes, but Rivaly didn't seem particularly inclined to keep things on the straight-and-narrow too long. After all, no one could hear them, see them, and she exuded the certainty of the utterly confidential; at this moment, the only person in the world that existed for the Healer was Salina-- all of everything distilled into the conversation playing out between them.
"Who? You say 'they,' but who are they? That would try to take the responsibilities and other such things from you?" Her head tipped, her eyebrows raised, her curiosity casual and inviting.
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Post by Xinnai on Aug 25, 2008 19:28:02 GMT -8
Salina watched Rivaly with barely concealed wariness, the caution rising like curling smoke into her eyes as she hesitated once more, not sure of her footing as ever with the woman facing her. She just always looked so complacent, so eager to listen, that one could never really tell what thoughts were going on behind her corrective lenses. Well, she was sure that was the intention.
The goldrider thought for a moment more before giving in with a little shrug, hands spreading as if to emphasize her words. "The ones who have the power to do it. Those who have the power, and the means, to sign my papers for transport. After all, Telgar never has a junior weyrwoman, not for many turns. And there's really only one who could be here all that time and have any decision in it. Any want to stop there from being a junior queen within her weyr." And if that didn't just nail the ethereal, golden beauty that resided within Telgar's rocky walls, Salina didn't know what else could.
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Post by blueaid on Aug 27, 2008 18:06:38 GMT -8
"So you have an inherent sense of impermanence." Rivaly looked a little sorry for Salina while all of this milled around in her mind, the two-and-two being put together, the eyes soft for a moment.
But she had things she needed to get to, and paranoia-- founded or not-- wasn't on the list. Not yet. Maybe in another session or two! "Do you think your sense of self-worth is tied, then, to this place? This dragon? A goldrider first and Salina-the-person second?"
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Post by Xinnai on Aug 28, 2008 16:08:56 GMT -8
Head tilted as the girl pondered for a moment. How could she explain this just right? She bit at her lip, shoulders shifting up and then down. "I was born and raised at Telgar. I know every view that is afforded here, and every hidden recess. It's been my dream since I was old enough to be a goldrider. To have achieved it is something that has defined me. Deoneth has defined me." Eyes lifted as Salina pinned Rivaly with every word passing from her lips.
"To say that my self-worth is tied to here, to Deoneth, is an understatement in the extreme. Who I am is here, what I am is borne of all of this. Deoneth makes me, in essence, me. I must always be a queenrider first. It's my duty in having the honor, the role, upon me. It's who I have to be."
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Post by blueaid on Aug 28, 2008 17:01:16 GMT -8
Rivaly wrote. It would be impossible for anyone to decipher those scribbles, to make more than broad generalizations out of the ham-handed scrape of her pencil across the page, all the worse since she was predisposed to keeping her eyes pinned on Salina while the girl talked.
It's who she had to be-- "What do you want to be?"
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Post by Xinnai on Aug 28, 2008 20:05:09 GMT -8
"The very best goldrider I can be," Salina replied simply. "I want to be able to help my friends and my comrades to the very best of my abilities. I'm a screw-up, I know that. And I can never compare to Aderes." If there was a regretful little sigh there, it was hardly noticable.
"But that doesn't mean that I can't do my best. Does that make any sense?" A small chuckle of perplexity, of slight embarrassment for her expansive answers to such simple questions.
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Post by blueaid on Aug 31, 2008 10:24:33 GMT -8
"Do you think people compare you to Aderes?" Rivaly seized on that remark, her eyebrows shot upward curiously, her head tilted to one side. For Salina's question, for her concern over whether or not it makes any sense, she essayed a reassuring little nod-- it made perfect sense to her-- but the self-imposed comparison of a weyrling goldrider to the senior Weyrwoman struck her as an odd thing for a girl to do to herself.
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Post by Xinnai on Sept 1, 2008 14:09:57 GMT -8
"Of course." She said it like an adult telling a child the sky were blue. So obvious. "She's the senior weyrwoman and I am the junior. Of course they compare me to her. In looks, in actions, in everything. Wouldn't you compare people of the same position, when one might"-hopefully- "replace the other?"
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Post by blueaid on Sept 3, 2008 17:13:25 GMT -8
Truly, so truly, Rivaly answered, "No, I wouldn't. But what I would do and what you think other people would do may not have anything to do with each other." Her smile forgave the distinction, her eyes dropped briefly to the page, her pencil stilled momentarily.
One of the canned questions-- "What's been the hardest aspect of life as a rider since your Impression?"
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Post by Xinnai on Sept 14, 2008 12:14:25 GMT -8
What the woman said was true. People couldn't be expected to do the same thing in such a situation. Something to consider, at least.
Sigh was supressed at such a question, something that could be asked of the many various weyrlings. To see how they were "adjusting." Fingers ran through light blonde tresses. "The hardest? Having to keep up with the boys, I suppose. They're faster, stronger and less...tactful. It can be difficult." The humor shimmered in her voice, remembering conversations from her last months.
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Post by blueaid on Sept 16, 2008 16:54:06 GMT -8
((Going to wrap this up in the next round or two unless you object. Think we got a good start!))
Tolerance. Understanding. Woman-to-woman, Rivaly could relate on the most fundamental level to the aspect of life that involved keeping up with the boys, and she relayed her empathy with the quirk of her smile. "There is not a woman alive who has not, at one point, felt that way about herself, her path, her life."
But she tapped her pencil on the edge of her page, contemplated what looked like a fairly long list of questions that she hadn't asked-- really, she must have skipped around just based on where she was scribbling her notes. "I believe we've got a good start, Salina, and I thank you for your candor. Do you have any questions for me? Anything you want to talk about, need to get off your chest?"
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Post by Xinnai on Sept 17, 2008 17:26:12 GMT -8
((Not a problem at all.))
Salina felt a new link with the woman in front of her. Before, they'd been clinical. Now, there was the faint shimmering of some tenuous bond, a slender silken thread that connected them because of the universal stupidity of the males they had to live with. Lips pulled into a smile as the weyrling almost fully relaxed. "Yes, undoubtedly," she replied with a light laugh.
They were back to business within a few moments, however, the jovial mood brought to the doorstep of that reminder. The queenrider thought for a few moments, really wondering if she did have any questions for the mindhealer. Head shook slowly back and forth, lips forming the words with just as fast a pace. "No, I don't think so actually..." Were they done then?
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Post by blueaid on Sept 18, 2008 18:11:45 GMT -8
"Then thank you." And Rivaly meant it. A first interview could be so awkward, more like prying answers that getting to the root of things, and Salina's candor had been truly appreciated. "If you ever do need to talk, Salina, about anything, please feel free. A lot of people think it's weakness or madness to talk to a Mindhealer, but I think it's more mad not to talk."
She paused, let a smile overtake her, and noted mildly, "But, then, I wouldn't be very good at my job if I agreed with them, I suppose. Again. Thank you."
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Post by Xinnai on Sept 18, 2008 20:08:11 GMT -8
Taking this as a dismissal, the goldrider stood. "You're welcome. I'd like to thank you as well, of course. I'm sure listening to my petty grievances wasn't exactly at the top of your list of good things about today."
Now that the interview was over, Salina was finding her previous apprehension to be more than slightly ridiculous. Rivaly was very kind and very open. The weyrling appreciated it, even as she wished to be gone from this place and back to whatever glorious free time she had left. "I'll come to you if I've any issues." A slight bow, a curving of lips, and the small weyrwoman melted from the room, back to her sunshine and freedom.
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