The Star Lit Conversation(Althesia)

[anhydrous]

If Althesia had been scared as her bronzer stood, it was fleeting. He turned away instead of coming towards her, wise not to take his anger out on the woman. She would have been gone before he could say another word. Instead she cringed as J’rad’s fist met stone, worried for him despite his angry words. He had to have broken his knuckles.

She stood and covered the short distance between them, at his side whether he wanted her there or not. “It has nothing to do with rank,” she said quietly, trying to discern what damage he had done to himself. “And it doesn’t matter,” Gently she tried to guide his fist away from the wall, sick to think that he might have fractured something, “Because it was just sex.” She spoke calmly, trying not to force her bronzer into another fit of rage. If that crunching sound had signaled what she thought it did, his hand probably couldn’t sustain another punch without serious consequences.

It was strange that Althesia wasn’t furious, her usual response being to fight any personal attacks tooth and nail. Instead she was attempting to soothe, more worried than irritated. “Sex doesn’t matter. Go find Aderes. Convince her into your bed.” Her words were cold and rapid, biting almost. “If you’ve got to sleep with some woman to prove to yourself that you care about me, do it.” At that she snatched his hand, her slim fingers circling his wrist as she held it up to the pale moonlight. “Because J’fel was the first man I ever regretted sleeping with, and I blame that on you.” In shock Althesia bit her tongue, running over the words she had just unleashed in disbelief. Surely she hadn't just said that?

Suddenly she had admitted what her subconscious had been screaming at her all evening, that scrap of emotion that she had been so intent on denying and hiding out in the open, all without thinking as she scrutinized his busted knuckles. Her guilt was staggering as she finally came to terms with her words, squinting and carefully adjusting his fingers through watery eyes. She hadn’t wanted to hurt him. Breathing deeply to smother whatever emotion she had unleashed, Althesia kept her grip tight around J’rad’s hand. "Flex your fingers, you stupid oaf,” she commanded hoarsely, fighting back tears.

[dragon]

J'rad tried to remain calm as she went for his hand. Just sex? He nearly wanted to cringe and pound his fist into a wall again, but he was persuaded otherwise. Many thoughts ran through his head and he was simply going to be lost in them as she spoke. Surely he would listen to her, but he had his own inner demons to battle.

"Why should I even care? Besides Arcaith, there was nothing I cared about. I was satisfied with the reputation I gave off. I didn't mind being angry at the world and hating everone in it, until you showed up and just threw everything out of place", J'rad's tone was soft but frustrating. He obliged and moved his figners around, but winced in pain. Yes, he had managed to break or fracture a bone or two. He found two of his fingers unbearable to move and his wrist wasn't feeling all that great either. He would have realized that it wasn't the stone that made that breaking sound had he looked at the wall.

"You're the one who made me question everything. If I was anything like I was, I wouldn't care who you went to bed with. Nothing would matter", which was clearly a lie, since his dragon mattered to him. Still, he had clarified that before so this could mean in general. "But", he spoke up again and looked her in the eyes to show he really meant what he was saying, "I can't deny that you do matter".

J'rad simply found a nearby chair and slumped in it, defeated by the feelings he wanted to stay unknown to him. He couldn't deny he felt something for this woman and this just proved it. Maybe he didn't say something like "I love you" or "I care about you", but in J'rad's own way he just admitted those things by saying she mattered. For no one else besides Arcaith had mattered before. He allowed the hand he had hurt to rest idley on the arm of the chair while the other hand was propped so he could rest his chin on it.

Only Althesia could make such a conversation that would break up any normal couple make it a more positive turning point in a relationship. Both had finally admitted their feelings and neither had left in anger, frustration, or sadness. Deciding that J'rad was considerably calmer now, Arcaith closed the eye again. Though he couldn't help but feel his rider's pain so sleep wasn't really an option at the moment. Still, he would allow J'rad his moment alone with this woman without the bronze's interference.

[anhydrous]

Althesia let her own frustrations and thoughts be silenced, content to stare up into J’rad’s eyes as he spoke. Even if it sounded like an insult, there was something warm and gentle in his words. She dropped his hand tenderly, watching as he walked back into the weyr and settled into a chair. Resting her head against the wall behind her, Althesia drank in one last long look at the stars. After a moment she wiped the tears out of her eyes, collected herself, and then followed J’rad into his weyr.

The sight of him sent her reeling again, embarrassed by her own awkward emotions. She dropped to the floor, skirts piled around her legs while she buried her face in her hands. The woman felt like a girl, confused and frustrated and unable to cope with everything that was spinning through her mind. Knowing no other solution, Althesia broke down.

She collapsed upon herself, back bent and hair hanging in front of her face like a curtain. “I d-d-d-don’t know why I’m-m like t-t-this,” she stuttered through her hands, the tears she had been fighting back running down her hidden cheeks.

Althesia hadn’t apologized for anything since she’d been a meek little girl from the Hold finding her footing at the Harper Hall. Why was it now that she was fighting his inner battle, torn between innate stubbornness and an actual reason to seek forgiveness? How could one man make her feel so helpless when she had decimated the emotions of so many others without so much as a falter in her step? Try as she might to twist it into something plausible, it didn’t make sense. Crying wasn’t going to help, but it didn’t stop Althesia from bawling from her position on the floor.

[dragon]

J'rad simply looked up as the woman was now crying on his weyr's floor. What was he to do? He was still confused himself. He couldn't help but still be angry that she had slept with J'fel. Why J'fel? Couldn't it be anyone else but him? No, ofcourse not. J'rad simply sighed again as he stretched out his hand and rested it on his forehead.

He heard words come out of her mouth, albeit brokenly. She was a mess. J'rad hadn't honestly pictured her to be like this. Perhaps he had underestimated her feelings. No, he did underestimate her feelings. And for now, that outweighed his anger. He decided to put it off to...do something unfamiliar to him. He would comfort her. He got up and walked to her ever so carefully. When he was close to her, he knelt before her and placed a hand on each shoulder. Though he winced as one did so. He then tried to pull her into an embrace, as if to say everything was ok for now. He just had the overwhelming feeling to comfort her and settle her down. Perhaps it was instinct and it was clear J'rad's anger was locked away for now, just for this woman's benifit.

He really didn't say a word to her at all, allowing his actions to speak volumes for him. If she were to accept the embrace, the undamaged hand would rub at her back gently. It would ruffle the fabric there, but still remain a sweet caress and gentle motion of affection and comfort. If not, his hands would rest carefully on her shoulders, his undamaged hand gently gripping her shoulder, a light squeeze to let her know he was there for her.

[anhydrous]

Quite honestly, Althesia didn’t want to be seen like this. Any words, regardless of tone, would have embarrassed her. Shame aside, she was thankful for both his presence and the masses of dark hair that kept him from seeing her face. Had her bronzer ignored her, she probably would have been even more humiliated of such a show of weakness.

The woman allowed herself to be swept to his chest, head finding a cradle against his neck while she fought against her sobs. Each one was ripped from her ribs, her back shuddering with the sudden intake of breath that accompanied them. His gentle hands quieted her, his own breathing serving as a pattern that she could mimic.

Eventually she had settled down, hair sticking her face and to his neck. She didn’t want to pull away. Nothing sounded worse at the moment, his strong arms circling her and keeping her thoughts from swirling uncontrollably. Realizing that he had put his anger aside to deal with her breakdown, Althesia felt an entirely new emotion surging within her chest. This one wasn’t quite so overwhelming, but it was compelling none-the-less.

Her words were almost inaudible against J’rad’s neck, tear-stained and harsh compared to her usual tone, but probably carried more weight than anything else she had ever said while in his presence. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, brushing her hair out of her face with one hand and using the other to clutch at him desperately. Honesty wouldn’t come into question. With those two words Althesia offered herself to J’rad in a way that she had never offered herself before.

Technically she should have been scared of his reply, but that thought was the last thing on her mind. She dwelled on something else entirely, noticing how the scent of dragon-oil lingered on her bronzer. With her nose pressed to his neck, Althesia recognized that she had never smelled anything more beautiful.

[dragon]

J'rad was still as silent as before, allowing Althesia her own time to calm herself as he had done. Her hair was wet, he was now wet from the neck down. He had never seen or thought that this woman would cry. His thoughts could only linger on that he truely meant something to her, which only took away a few more pieces of anger that were tucked away.

He looked down at he as she clung to him. Was she scared to lose him? This woman who seemed to think men her play things, was now clinging to one desperately? J'rad couldn't help but think this was a nice change. A change he desired to see in her. She was vulnerable, emotional. She seemed more human now than before.

As he held her, ever so lovingly, he seemed to look in shock at her next words. First this, now an apology? J'rad only cradled her for a moment, rocking her back and forth before giving an answer. "Forgiven", he spoke in true honesty as he kissed the top of her head. He rested his lips there, allowing them to linger before being replaced by a crippled hand that winced as he stroked her hair as gently as possible. "I think tonight", he spoke up, then paused as if to capture all the needed words, "has been a long and rewarding night, in it's own way".

[anhydrous]

Althesia didn’t acknowledge his words outwardly, letting herself be kissed and petted with eyes shut tight against the reality of the situation. Inside she felt accepted, safe and complete. Nothing was quite as good as such a sensation, a thousand words of praise paling in comparison. Hearing J’rad speak so kindly only added to the perfection, and she nodded against his neck in agreement.

Worn out from the display of emotion that was generally beyond her, Althesia sighed into J’rad’s chest and pushed her hair back off of her face. It was red and ugly from the crying, her pale complexion blotchy and awkward. She would have been embarrassed if he hadn’t forgiven her, but as things stood now, she couldn’t care less. Taking a deep breath to steady her voice, the woman opened her eyes and blinked a few times to clear them. “I think I’d like to go to bed,” she said finally. The sweetness of the scene suggested that they would be pursuing absolutely nothing but sleeping, especially with J’rad’s injured hand. He was wincing nearly every time he moved it, which couldn’t be a good sign.

“And in the morning we’ll get a healer to look at your hand,” she suggested as he tensed his arm, aware of his pain. He seemed to be ignoring it for now, which she had absolutely no complaints about. Althesia wasn’t quite ready to break their embrace. Not yet. That much was apparent by how strongly her hands were grasping at the fabric of his shirt, and how she spoke her words to his chest instead of his face. His heartbeat had found itself next to hear ear again, comforting and familiar.

[dragon]

J'rad looked down at her at the mention of bed. Those words didn't hold any usual implications. There didn't seem to be any flirtation or hidden meaning in them. They seemed to mean exactly what the sentence meant, bed and nothing more. J'rad would like that. For once it wouldn't be about anything physical, something J'rad had to admit he always hoped she'd come around to. He seemed satisfied, as if he won some victory.

He nodded his head in agreement. "Yes. I think sleep would do us both good", those words held honesty, but this time a gentle tone. It was so odd sounding, coming from such a gruff exterior. Infact one would think it wasn't J'rad at all. But it seems Althesia was getting to him. She was the catalyst of change.

As J'rad stood, he thought about carrying her to the bed. With his injured hand, this would be impossible however. Instead, he stood up and offered his good hand to her to pick her up off the ground. "Come. Let us sleep", he spoke up, inviting her to his bed. This would also be a first. Usually they simply wound up in bed due to various physical actions taken. This time it was something completely different.

If she would accept his hand, he would lead her to his bed and allow her to get comfortable on it as he removed his belt and shirt and would change for bed. When he was ready for sleep, he would crawl in the bed next to her, between her and the wall. He, of course, only used his good hand and was being careful not to further harm his injured hand.

Once he would get settled, he would curl up next to the woman when she lay down in his bed and if he could turn her to face him, he would give her a kiss on the forehead. It would be as if to say everything was alright, and she could sleep well next to him. This seemed a gesture to comfort, ease, and protect her as he would sling his good arm around her, shift a little closer to her and close his eyes to find sleep.

[anhydrous]

Althesia rose, hand twined with J’rad’s up until she crawled beneath the furs on his bed and settled herself. Unlike her bedmate, she didn’t remove any of her clothes. It was too much effort, skirts tangling in the sheets like they had so many times before. With her head buried in one of his pillows, Althesia felt overwhelming exhaustion prickling at her limbs. She curled her arms against her torso, still while J’rad climbed over her to get into the bed so that she wouldn’t cause more accidental harm to his broken hand.

Being motionless only enforced her fatigue, eyelids dropping shut as J’rad shifted his weight around to get comfortable. She was nearly asleep when his lips brushed against her forehead, eyelashes fluttering and lips struggling to twitch into a smile. Any thoughts that she was attempting to force into order dissipated as unconsciousness claimed her, safe and warm in the arms of her bronzer. Who knew what tomorrow would bring, but for now the woman felt secure and content.

[dragon]

{OOC: Topic Closed}