Much to Ponder (Eideen)

[Eideen]

"You're the man I partnered, but it feels as though months of effort and.. it's just gone, and I'm back at square one, it feels like. You've gone shy on me." She attempted a laugh, but it died on her lips and all that really came out was a breathy 'heh' that was lacking in humor as well as spirit. She licked her lips, then, and snagged the side of one between her teeth, looking at him. Or at least, looking in his direction. "Mind Sarjenth's thoughts. It's easier if I can show you through Daikalveth."

That was all the preparation he was given, or even Sarjenth was given. Daikalveth gave an apologetic beginning to the brown she curled against before her riders thoughts came streaming in. Some parts were confusing to her, it was understood, but it was obvious that her rider's assurance that all would make sense to Sarjenth's allowed her to continue without getting hung up on details.

It was almost like watching someone else, the way Eideen's thoughts came through. They began when she joined Frost and ran through several months where she was untrusted and a little excluded by other members of the wing. Several games and events passed in hurried succession, and cut to a place where Frost had truly grown close-knit, and all but Sarjenth's were joined in with a rowdy song lead by the dark-haired greenrider. Another instant takes them out in the bowl at night, where P'nset sat alone eyeing the sky and she came to join him with a steaming mug. What words are said are unclear, but there were smiles on both their faces, and they were warm.

The next thoughts were narrowed down to the two of them and their wing'd bonds. Several times in play, on dragonback, with a ball that Eideen herself had crafted, being tossed back and forth between both riders and dragons in precise arcs.

Lightning threads through the thoughts and placed them on a weyr ledge. A storm, and them standing outside watching. Others were present, but their faces weren't clear in her thoughts. Just herself, and P'nset, and her green illuminated by stormlight, and a throng of blues and browns and even a bronze or two giving chase. Daikalveth crowed amusement and mockery back at them, slicing through a low-lying cloud, but did not see Sarjenth cut at an angle and bundle her up in his wings. A roar of protest and indignation was quickly silenced and smoothed into satisfied amusement. Brief flecks of flesh-tinted pieces flashed now and then in the memory, but as with most flights, the memories were not so much hers, but those of her muscles, and they were unstable at best. Blurry.

The waking after, however, was vivid. Them, wound in blankets and curled together like dozing pups seeking both warmth and comfort, the tingle of their lifemates situated likewise somewhere out of their sight. Intimate, safe.

The feeling that associated with this memory was fierce, and Daikalveth did little to staunch the full force of it as she gave it to Sarjenth.

More memories similar came through. The first several geared around Daikalveth's rising, but a few began to trickle in that saw their dragons settled and asleep while both riders were awake and twined peacefully together.

It was about then that they stopped altogether, and the woman sank forward with elbows on knees and forehead cradled in both hands. No weeping, nor anger, just weariness, and it was evident in the downward slant to her shoulders and rounding of her back.

"Not long after you asked me to stay here, and I agreed. We never.. said it. The word. It just became." Tired, her voice sounded. Daikalveth, too, seemed drained from the relaying, and the green's eyes had begun to close, sleep tugging at her.

[neopanther]

Heeding her words, P'nset opened his mind to the influx of information as provided by the green pair. He watched the scenes, as he stood there, before the eyes of the green rider. he felt like he was trespassing upon some fiction about his life. Like he was looking on at his identical twin, but this did make him very conscious of how he appeared to her, he'd become quite scruffy in the time of being a rider. As the green's memories turned to her rising, he watched on as Sarjenth caught her, a strong pull of pride at his heart. The brown had rarely ever risen to chase, and this, the first time he seemed intent upon the prize, he won. He had always known Sarjenth was a strong brown, but as with most males, he could not brag as to his dragon's prowess through his demonstrations within the chase.

Finally he could understand his dislike for the situation. She obviously had felt safe, and virtually infallible with him by her side, and yet, here he stood, alienated from her. he sighed softly. "I can only apologise, I can understand if it's no longer what you want - having to revive this..." he paused searching for a word before leaving what ever word it was going to be unsaid. "I am profoundly sorry for any pain I have inadvertently caused, but I would not wish to string you along, pretending that these memories are ones I share, because, they are not, I can remember parts, here and there, flashes, hazy images, sounds, scents," he turned the uncertainty upon her, he could not deny her what she already had if it was something she still wanted, however if she no longer wanted him, then there was nothing he could do either. "All I can say is that, thus far, your patience is greatly appreciated, and I can see why I stood where I stood in regards to you." all of which was true. He could see. And he could understand now why they had been, it was sense. But he wasn't quite the man she had grown to - dare he say - love. "but unfortunately I am but this introverted man you see before you, but if you changed me once, perhaps you could again." he added, he was unsure, confused, these memories that were remarkably alien in his mind repeating, seeing his dragon, with the green, seeing himself with her. It was all very fast, very frantic. And yet a part of him felt comfort with her. Knowing she cared for him as such.

[Eideen]

Fingers had curled into gnarled claws at the ends of the chair's arm. Her eyes were distracted, though by what, it was unclear. Daikalveth had left her link with Sarjenth open, but only shared with him her warmth and gladness that he was there, and that she could sleep soon. Whatever plagued her rider's mind was hidden and guarded. The look that had overtaken the woman's features was dark and partly brooding.

She listened well as he spoke, but did not look at him. A decision boiled in her brain, stewed with the memories she had shared with him. Thoughts and feelings bobbed in the broth that took her full attention. Like carrots, or potatoes. Little things, parts of wholes.

At last, she looked up at him, and briefly her greater trouble was evident; for it wasn't the unfettered affection and warmth she had looked upon him with earlier. This was, however swiftly removed, angry. Betrayed. She schooled her features and brought on a mask so stony and neutral that her face seemed to relax. Like this had been its true default all along, but seeing him had peeled it away.

"I can't decide for you." She said then, quiet, forced. "You've seen what was. You've seen why." Her fingers had not yet loosened their harpy's grasp on the chair's arms. In fact, they now trembled with the effort, dimpled fabric shadowed where each finger dug in. "You didn't want to be changed in the first place. Not even then. It just.. happened." Her throat was dry, voice sounding hoarse as well. "The real curiosity, at least where I stand.. is whether or not you'd want.." She trailed, one hand finally coming up to hold her jaw and hide the unhappy frown of her lips with an extended finger. "Any of it. What you saw. What I remember, and what you forgot. You have a golden opportunity to say no and go back to being who you were before Sarjenth caught her. It's your choice. Forcing my wants on you wouldn't be fair. It's your memory that's taken the wound, not mine."

[neopanther]

He tutted, stood up hastily, turned, looked down at her, sitting with a white-knuckled grasp upon the arm of the chair, she refused to make the decision. As did he. Well this was going no where particularly fast. "I cannot guarantee I'd be, or become the same man for you Eideen." He shook his head,

Perhaps the fact that you are holding onto this conversation and not running out of the door, is gifting you your answer.[/i] The brown rumbled contentedly as he nudged at her snout with his own rather much larger and darker nose.

P'nset was initially riled by the comment, he found it quite untrue. Then. He paused and he thought about it. He looked down at Eideen. He sighed softly, having promptly given up. He took a step forward, and with a distinct air of awkwardness, he placed himself beside her, slipping his large, calloused hand over hers, he sought to gift some description of comfort. "look, I'm no different to the P'nset you met am I? You are no different to the Eideen I met, so why shouldn't it be the same? I mean admittedly you know far more about me than I do of you, But I'm sure that can be rectified, I'd have to do the same about any of my wing members." He gave a quirky - not really P'nset type of lopsided smile. it was meant to comfort her, but he wasn't good with women. Awkward and stiff. Far from relaxed as one could be. And now, he had been shafted into a situation such as this! All because of J'fel!

Shards but how he was cursing this mission in the back of his mind.

He could feel Sarjenth's conscious tend towards sleep as Daikalveth was seemingly doing too.

[Eideen]

Her flesh was cold beneath the hand he had lain over hers. Pale as it was, it seemed even more pasty white at the moment. Green eyes slid sideways and took in the strange juxtaposition of their two hands. A moment later, her thumb gave up its claim on the armchair's material, and curled upward to fold over the top of his. Her fingers were rough, not unused to hard work, but still maintained the appearance of belonging to a woman.

Daikalveth was quickly drifting, her breathing slowed toward sleep and her thoughts mostly geared toward chasing rabbits in her sleep. She let leak to Sarjenth though a fleeting tingle of happiness - hope, even - that may or may not have been from her alone.

"Am I to take it that you wish to try, then, P'nset?" It was guarded, her tone. Sparing in warmth and shielded, as if she expected a blow more than a caress. Or at the very least, a fight. There was no fear in her, however. She was poised, like a predator waiting for the right or wrong move. Eyes then traveled from their hands up to his face, and the wild green of her gaze zeroed on his face and locked. "Truth."

[neopanther]

He tried hard, gave her a smile, "I think so Eideen," then she added the next part, he laughed, "Truth," Her green eyes focused upon nothing but him. He felt caught, like a wherry in a bright light, transfixed by her. She sat as though she were about to pounce.

But her single sign of weakness was how her thumb stroked his. Softly, even for a woman who rode as fiercely as she.

"I'm here if you want me." he reassured her. He went to move his hand, hesitated, not knowing whether he should retreat directly after. He was certainly not used to this game. He didn't have the necessary skills, or past inclination to have an idea as to how to make this work. He would hate to leave her without something she obviously highly valued.

"I'm sorry if this is awkward, but I'm not used to this." He smiled to her, alien to his features, but he did feel somewhat happy about it. Apprehensions held their anchors firm, but happiness was present too.

[Eideen]

When her own word was repeated back to her, it began a slow, but positive reaction. Her gaze softened, as well as her shoulders, and the thumb that had only tentatively stroked the side of his hand actually squeezed it more into hers. Fingers, too, curled about his hand and she let out a long breath. Those violent green lamps were then doused under lids, her lashes leaned down to brush the tops of her pale cheeks. "All right, then."

Volatile though she was - and even felt in most cases - not every unpleasant thing triggered her. Something in what he said next, however, dragged her eyes back over and they sparked at him with a very different intensity. No smile danced upon her lips when she spoke again, but the gravity her words carried was riddled with mirth. "I want you plenty, but I think your head's had enough of a blow with all that I've shown you already. You're free of me tonight, and probably for a few nights, though I will ask.."

She trailed, and glanced back at the big brown and her green coiled together; the latter was asleep and rumbled softly in her deep slumber.

"Would you rather I left for my own weyr so you can better adjust to being home?" She asked, and looked back to him. No malice tempered her stare on him this time. Her sincerity was genuine, her concern brought to the fore. In short, she wanted what he wanted.

[neopanther]

Her concern cut him to the quick, he wasn't used to someone caring for him. Trying to care for him, not since he was a weyrling, and that was a good and many turn ago now. "Eideen, in all honesty, its probably better that you're here." He reasoned, "I will just have to readjust myself - again, and if i readjust without you here, it might make it more difficult when I come to.. share with you," He knew his logic was far from flawless, but to him it made sense.

He looked over at Sarjenth, who was dozing merrily next to the petite green female, He smirked, "Besides I think Sarjenth would hate me for breaking their slumber." The brown huffed his disapproval, dust shifting through the venting of air. He relayed a dozy comfort and an reluctance to give up his new found treasure. Oh how that suited Sarjenth, all of the benefits with none of the effort. P'nset relayed it to the brown silently as he mulled over the conversation with Eideen.

With a cumbersome nervousness, P'nset winced inwardly as he raised his arm and placed it over her shoulders, he could feel a greater lack of tension within her, and in turn relaxed himself.

[Eideen]

Far.. FAR from flawless, and skepticism poured from her gaze at him. One brow had lifted, as well as a corner of her mouth. It was a smirk, and on her lips it looked natural. A true showing of amusement, even if it was ironic.

As the rider called attention to his brown, Eideen's sights traveled over to the dozing pair. She slumbered deeply, Daikalveth, and in her sleep stretched one wing out and over the brown to drape and hold possessively. 'Mine' the motionless gesture seemed to say. It put a smile on her rider's lips again - a full one.

"Sleep." Eideen then said, curling fingers about the wrist connected to his draping arm. She hugged into it briefly, the bridge of her nose brushing against the front of his throat. The full weight of her head was a scant second away from resting on his chest before she pulled away again in a natural roll. Patting his wrist, she said again, "Sleep." And then followed it with, "You must be tired. I'll join you, soon as my head stops doing this.." Her free hand whirled the air noncommittally. "Thing it's wanting to do. I will stay, but I'm not ready for sleep quite yet."

[neopanther]

Standing slowly, he felt over nervous, suddenly. "If you feel I am to much of a stranger, I don't mind sleeping on the chair." He indicated the stretch of seats upon which she was sitting, a rather ineloquent jab that did not testify his 'evolved' status. "you're welcome to work that.. thing out whilst sitting on the cot, if its silence you need. I'll make no noise." He assured her, he was good at that, he wasn't even the type to talk to himself when alone, he would talk all he needed through his mind to his bonded. Sarjenth, the rubicund-esque brown. He gave a faint smile as he seen the green stretch over him in a very territorial fashion, it may have been a simple stretch, but she seemed to comfortable in such a fashion, as though welcoming a long lost lover.
Which, in effect, she was. But, neither of the brown pair knew such a thing.

He could see why his parallel self had got on with her so well, she was amiable. easy to like, and even easier - by the seems of things - to live with. The girl, rather woman, (he needed to sort that definitive line out in his mind) was bold, but still rather relaxed. Quite a charming lass infact. It made him even more uncertain.

[Eideen]

Eyes wandered off into the corners and shadows of the Weyr space. She considered, but then looked over at him and shook her head once with a decided grunt. "No. Sleep in your bed, you've earned it, being gone so long. I'll join you soon enough. I do my best thinking when I'm upright and slightly uncomfortable." She laughed softly, and smiled. Where he stood, she reached out and took his hand again, letting him feel her cold fingers curl around the warm palm of his hand.

With a deep breath, eyes still chasing the shadows around the weyr, Eideen clicked her tongue and offered, "Silent or noisey, it doesn't matter, act as you would. Be natural. I'm almost done thinking, anyway. I'm tired, too." With that, she removed her hand from his and placed her palm on the back of one of this thighs, with a gentle nudge to try and turn him toward the alcove where his bed hid. "Go, be comfortable and rest. I won't disturb you when I come to bed."

[neopanther]

He gave a feeble smile, "Thanks." He knitted his brows slightly, remembering about his want for a hot bath - well that was gone from the weyrledge now wasn't it? He heaved a sigh as he flung himself down upon his furs, a slight plume of dust rising in the wake of his presence. He yawned loudly before he sat, began to pull off his boots, he paused, took off his top and left his trousers on as he climbed under the furs. Heaven knows how her P'nset done things, but he wasn't going to be caught naked in the bed with a green rider. Female, male, or otherwise, he was confounded enough.

He lay down, thoughts cascading into an already flooding mind. He had to speak to J'fel again. Sort this mayhem out. Though really, what would J'fel do? Perhaps G'tet... no. That was a foolish idea. The green rider seemed to perceive him as an old man - which admittedly in comparison to half of the riders here he was.

[Eideen]

She watched him cross over, sparing no attention to detail as he undressed and then curled up under the sheets. Trousers on, eh? That's all right. She made no sound as she continued to sit and think, eyes scanned across the many parts of the weyr, as if she were searching for other changes in what should have been natural - normal. It was already late, but not yet so late that day had begun to come calling. The sky was still dark, and the air biting from the lack of sunlight. The woman rose quietly, after a long while, looked over at the now-occupied bed with a mix of both joy and apprehension and decided that fresh air was in order. Out to the ledge she stalked, bare foot and disheveled in her half-undone garb. Green eyes slid around the Weyr bowl and stopped on a particular ledge.

It held her stare and attention for longer than usual. So long that the deep purple-blue actually did start turning faintly lighter before she slipped back in to the inner weyr to check up on the man. Quiet, she was. Stealthy, even. She peered around a wall's edge to look in on him, and even stepped closer to get a better look at his face. Had he fallen asleep while she was away, or did his thoughts keep him awake as well? - She wondered. But either way, didn't stop a hand from delicately brushing back a few locks of his hair.

[neopanther]

Though he had not reached slumber due to the officious assault of his thoughts constant as a battering ram against his skull, he was though - too dreary to flinch as he felt a hand shift a few tresses of his hair that had fallen upon his face, itchy and irritating but he was too comfortable to move. Being back in his own cot was fantastic. It made him feel safe again. So strange in his mind was that idea, that he, a Caminar would find solace in a stationary home. He gave a small murmur of senselessness at the contact, it wasn't unwelcome, it was the opposite, she had managed to shift them, and halt his irritation. He stretched out a little, altered his position - sleep enfused gruff tone managed, "Thinking done?" he opened one eye a slit, the full lights of the weyr a striking contrast to what he had been used to. And within the blinding light, a shadow emerged into detail gradually, Eideen. Dark hair, green eyes, a striking image of beauty. But what was she doing at his bedside? Perhaps that would always be a mystery to P'nset.

[Eideen]

On top of the blankets and the heavy pelt she'd lain there, the woman nimbly slunk next to him, still clothed, and clearly not prepared to stay just yet. "Almost." She said then, voice soft and gentle so as not to assault drowsy senses. Her fingers continued to clear his face of strands, and even when her task was finished, she kept gently combing, all the while looking at him while not really focussing on one thing. "You should be asleep." A gentle chide, and her hand swept gently downward, pushing at his lashes to coax his eyes closed.

"I'll be done thinking soon. It's just slow to finish. But it's a good thinking. It's right." Despite herself, and him too, she leaned forward and gently brushed her lips against his forehead, the other hand tugging one of the blankets up and over his shoulder - which had been uncovered when she'd shifted atop the layers. Wholely tender, unapologetic. She was tired in several ways, and that had taken the awkwardness of their situation and kicked it out their weyr as far as she was concerned. In that moment, they were just people. And he was hers, whether he remembered it or not. Her head found one of the pillows and leaned, her hand continued to soothe and smooth about his hair, and she said once more, softly, "Sleep. Things will make better sense once we rest."