Trêve? (K'mar)

[Xinnai]

They'd been waylisted by Ramla to clean out the hall. For what, Salina wasn't certain, but she didn't quite care. Alll she knew was Ramla-that evil, evil woman-had snapped up the first two weyrlings she could find-all with I'dalyn's permission of course. And who did she pick? Out of the numerous weyrlings at hand? Salina. And K'mar.

The goldrider swept at the floor a bit more vigorously than was strictly neccessary, the action emphasis to her thoughts. Why K'mar? She could have gotten along with anyone else, everyone else. She actually liked them. No, fate has decided to hate her instead and stick her with the man-amongst-the-weyrlings, the brownrider that everyone else seemed to have a zealous hatred towards.

Salina finished sweeping and set her broom aside, looking over at her companion consideringly. Why did he act like that? He was such an ass sometimes it made her sick. So why? Why was it always like that? She sighed, turning away to grab a rag and cleaning materials. She wasn't going to worry about it.

The little weyrwoman attacked at her work then, rag working maniacally. She wanted to get done and out of here. She wanted to be with Deoneth again and joke around with Ez'ki. Not hang around with the man who, as a child, had gotten caught once or twice stealing the wineskins. And he had become a brownrider? It made her think sometimes about Volsteath, about what exactly had drawn the dragonet to the man. She didn't quite get it , but she wasn't one to say anything. No matter how much she thought it.

Finding it entirely impossible to not think about her fellow slave, she stood, sighing as she felt her muscles start their protest. She would be feeling them in the morning. A glance was stolen towards K'mar, his words from their tiff in the barracks on that fateful laundry day echoeing in her head. "Neither of you has it right." What in all of Pern could that possibly mean? What did they not have right? What was she not getting. Rag hung loose in her hand before she shook herself out of her reverie. It was time for work, not puzzles.

[Invisible]

The sad truth of the matter was K’mar would have volunteered to help out anyway. He was always looking for a way to do more especially if it meant not having to be in the barracks. If things had been bad before the Great Laundry Debacle they had only gotten, well, somewhat worse. Still the one thing K’mar was good at was perseverance. He had waited his whole life to impress he could wait a turn to get away from his fellow weyrlings. Even though he had been happy enough to help he was less than impressed to be working with Salina.

There were other people clearing out furniture and boxes and any number of things, but K’mar was not allowed to do that. No, him and Salina got to stay in the hall and clean up the mess left behind by the others. The back of the room was cleared out first and K’mar had been sent there with a bucket to wash the walls. He had to use a broom to knock down cobwebs and then a ladder to wash them all. The headwoman had been overheard talking about having the room cleared out by tomorrow so they could finish cleaning and then white wash the walls.

K’mar hoped he did not have to help with that. He would if asked, of course, but he really hated doing stuff like that. Pausing to wipe his brow he looked around for the ladder he had just been using. It had been right in the corner last time he’d looked, but sometime between then and finishing up scrubbing the wall it had been taken. The brownrider looked around the room, but couldn’t see anyone using it. If someone had stashed it he would be mad. They knew he was using it.

The closest person to ask was Salina and she was the last person he’d wanted to see. He would have preferred the headwoman to the other weyrling and that was saying something. But, she was the closest not already involved in conversation or too busy working so he trudged over to the goldrider. “Excuse me,” he said rather stiffly if politely enough, “Did you see who took the ladder?”

[Xinnai]

Salina turned, the surprise making eyes widen and brows arch. He was talking to her. Albeit stiffly and as if he'd rather have his hand cut off, but he was talking to her. The sodden and ragged towel in her hand hung limp, dripping softly, from her inactivity of scrubbing down one wall. "Yes, I did, actually." Taking it as a chance to perhaps mend something-no matter how much she might dislike the brownrider-she pointed out to a man far down the hall from them, who was currently using the said ladder to scale the wall and get rid of cobwebs and other debris. "Tahlar took it."

She was about to turn around and resume her task-both scrubbing down the wall and ignoring K'mar-but thought better of it. The indecision was written clearly across her fragile features as she pivoted a minute amount to better face her fellow weyrling, their bodies turned towards one another as if they were having an actual conversation. She stopped herself from swallowing in an effort to remove the ridiculous nerves jumbled in her stomach, the words springing from her lips unbidden and unplanned. "What did you mean that day, in the barracks? When you said I didn't have it right?"

[Invisible]

A good conversation could just be guaranteed to start between two people who had no desire to talk to each other. It was this knowledge that had let K’mar think it safe to ask Salina about the ladder. After all he imagined her no more desirous to talk to him than he was to her. A simple question should have allowed him to get back to work. When told where the ladder was he turned to go with a quiet, “Thank you.”

He really thought himself safe as he took first one and then another step away. Unfortunately she stopped him and he had no choice but to turn around and look at her once more. What did she know he wondered? So young and impressed on her first time. She wouldn’t understand what it was like to yearn your whole life for something and then be forced to enjoy it with children who never understood. These thoughts had him very nearly just turn around and walk away again.

Instead he stood silently and watched the weyrling weyrwoman with open suspicion. He knew he should be working, but he wondered what sort of conversation they might have. Nothing good would come of it for sure, but at the same time it’s not as if things could get worse. “It’s never wise to assume you understand someone’s motives,” he finally said as shoulders shrugged indifferently.

[Xinnai]

Salina stood, poised across from the other weyrling before he spoke. Thoughts were swirling through her head. Why had she even spoken up? She and K'mar had not run into each other when they were simply residents within the weyr. What made her think that some relationship, even one that was simply friendly, could be salvaged now?

And then the words, seemingly bitter no matter his nonchalance, reached her. The little goldrider's alabaster brow furrowed. She bit at her cheek before speaking, tongue carefully forming the words she said. "You're right. I am sorry. That was rude of me." They were genuine, every last syllable of them. The weyrwoman wasn't one to lie. "Would you tell me them, then? Seeing as I was so wrong."

She was genuinely interested now. Which of the weyrlings, especially her friends, could say they had honestly had a real conversation with the much older brownrider? She was certain they were few and far between. Not only that, but she was trying to salvage whatever bits and pieces she could. She wouldn't let her own blindess wreak future relations for the weyr-her weyr, if all turned out well.

[Invisible]

The resigned sigh the brownrider wanted to release was internalized. He had really hoped she would just go away. There was no reason for her to be talking to him after all. Unless she was looking for some amusing anecdote to share with her friends so they could all have a laugh at his expense. These thoughts rolled around in his head. With Volsteath sleeping there was no one say otherwise. K’mar was not so thrilled with this conversation and tried to avoid answering by asking a question of his own.

“Why do you care?” was put as bluntly as possible. To him the goldrider had never shown an interest in anything but her own circle of friends so it made no sense for her to care now. Unless she’d been put up to it by someone. That made as much sense, if not more, than her actually caring about anything to do with him. He glanced to the door not wanting to be caught slacking off by the headwoman or one of her assistants, but the hall seemed to be the last place anyone wanted to check on today.

[Xinnai]

Salina wasn’t expecting the question to be fielded her way. Frown crinkled at her forehead once more before her mouth opened and closed. She didn’t have a ready answer for such a thing. The girl struggled for a moment before expelling a frustrated breath and shrugging. “I don’t know really. I just guess…I suppose I feel like I should give everyone a chance. I’d want the same for me and…well, I’m supposed to lead one day. So why not start ingraining the habits now?”

Not entirely comfortable in K’mar’s presence, the goldrider leaned back against the wall she had just scrubbed clean, eyes settling on him and watching for a moment or two, scrutinizing his every twitch. She sighed then, eyes dropping to the floor and back up. “Are you going to answer my question?” she murmured quietly.

She wasn't quite sure why she was doing it. The man's words had been bothering her though. Her words were ringing with sincerity, but it still didn't make up for it, not quite. It didn't explain the very irrational feeling she had, the feeling where she felt she had to talk with K'mar.

[Invisible]

“So now you’re interested in being a leader?” K’mar asked, distracted by a stirring from Volsteath and unable to keep the words from tumbling out. “Right. When it doesn’t involve your little friends you want to try. But Faranth forbid they should have to follow rules.” Once the words were out there was no taking them back so he just let them sit. If she got mad, well, there was plenty she might be able to do someday if Aderes didn’t ship her off, but for now she could just be mad.

His head shook and he took a step backwards as if preparing to leave the storm that would be coming. Still he decided there was no sense not answering her original question. “Your friends think this is some sort of game. So that’s what they’re looking for. That we’re all playing the same thing they are. I could care less who you consort with, but when those two look bad it makes us all look bad. If they’ll listen to you then you owe it to the rest of the class since ‘you’re supposed to lead one day’ to make sure they understand.”

Which still might not be the right words K’mar realized, but he truly was tired of playing games. “You’re little friend,” oh what sarcasm he could put into words, “Accused me reaching for power. Just for daring to talk to you. Your dragon accused me of the same. You’ll excuse me if that leaves me disinclined to talk to you overly much. Unlike some I will achieve my place by my own merits. Not by the friends I have.” That would have been a good place to stop. Well, a good place would have been quite some time ago. But he had to add one more thing. “You all see me as some power grasping ass, I know that. But what you see and what is the truth are two different things. You know as well as I that your friends will reflect upon you. Not liking it does not make it untrue. I do not say it hoping to take their place. I say it because you claim you want to lead and you need to know what that means now before it is too late. It is my duty to help you as a future leader. I cannot make you listen to my words. I can only say them.”

[Xinnai]

Salina took an involuntary step forward, brows lowered in angled lines over her distressed eyes, shining brilliant in her pale face. She’d just been trying to explain and then he went off on her. The golrider felt like she was being drawn into his angry little tangent, being sucked in deeper and deeper with no sight of the above sky. Just what was he talking about? Her friends didn’t follow the rules?

The dazed bafflement was gone in a flash once his words of her friends hit her ears and were absorbed. Mouth thinned into a barely perceptible line, eyes flashing. She wasn’t one for anger, but there was no way in hell Salina was going to take this from him, to hear those degrading and condescending words dripping from his lips. She stood stock still, inhaling through the red haze that was beginning to converge on her sight. It wouldn’t do to get angry. She told herself that again and again. She wouldn’t get angry. He ended, saying he was trying to help her. Still, the weyrling inhaled through her nose until the tightness eased from her chest and the tingling sensation had left her fingers. She felt calm enough then to speak, to work through the anger to rationality.

“I do not care to hear that about my friends, it’s true,” she began, voice calm, her features reflecting it. The turmoil inside her could have belonged to someone else. “But you are not explaining anything at all, K’mar. I am glad to hear that you are trying to help me, even if it’s not for my own sake, but you must explain what your reasons are. Please. It does no good to dance around it.” Attention leveled to his face. She inhaled deeply once more, pushing down any lingering resentment. “Would you explain your reasons to me, please?”

[Invisible]

“I have told you what my reason is,” K’mar said with a calm demeanor that masked growing frustration. How could she not understand what it was he was saying? He had no desire to try to spell everything out but it looked like he was going to have to. In the meantime his work was not getting done and the ladder was likely to be stolen by yet another person before he could get it to return to what he was here for.

“I wish to help the Weyr as is my responsibility,” K’mar began again trying to think of the simplest way to explain. The brownrider had never had any luck speaking to children and he was reminded again that Salina was little more than a child no matter her new position. “It is my duty to lend assistance to those who lead, or will lead, however I may. That is my reason for everything I do.”

[Xinnai]

It was the clear cut answer she needed. Salina nodded, a brief bob of her head, eyeing the brownrider before her with a certain amount of speculation. Who would have thought that K'mar would have such a loyalty for duty?

"Thank you for telling me," the goldrider answered as kindly as she was able, still feeling the vestiges of her sudden anger lingering within her limbs. "I'm glad to know it. Perhaps now...Perhaps you and I might get along at least marginally better?" It was a long shot, she knew, but she couldn't help but hope.

[Invisible]

Eyes drifting away from the conversation K’mar noticed the ladder was free and took a step towards where it was. Then he recalled the conversation and refocused on what Salina was saying. He blinked but stifled his first response. He had never started any trouble with her. Them not getting along had everything to do with her. And her little friends. None of that got said or even hinted at in his expression. “I am sure we can be reasonably acquainted, yes,” he told her with a simple nod of his head.

That sounded ok to him. If it lacked any warmth of conviction it was only because K’mar’s tone always lacked any real warmth except when he spoke of Volsteath. The ladder was still free, but he felt something else should be said. But what? He searched around for something in his brain that would not be wrong. “It is good we will try to get along,” he finally said. “It will make the time we spend together easier. The weyrleader has said I am to go into the politics sessions with you and the bronzeriders.” It was not boasting, it was just fact. If anything he still sounded a little nervous about the whole idea.

[Xinnai]

Salina was surprised at the amount of relief his answer of assent brought her. It was not as if she were attached to the brownrider, it wasn't as if she even marginally liked him. But to know that they-that she and K'mar-could possibly get along better did induce relief, however shortlived it might be.

At his next statement, relief was overstepped by surprise. Expressive eyes widened, brows arching high, before she was nodding. "Oh. Well, that should be good, I suppose. You seemed to have a very good head the other day." Even if he did not have the best tact. "That should be interesting," she contributed, fighting down her urge to wince. Interesting was not nearly a strong enough word. She was sure most of the people there would certainly not be pleased to see K'mar at the lesson.

[Invisible]

Those not thrilled to see K’mar at those lessons would include in their numbers K’mar himself. He knew that no one would be happy to see him. A brownrider, especially himself, at lessons meant for those who would be running wings and even the Weyr someday. It was not that a brownrider did not occasionally get given extra training, but it was rather rare. No one would expect this weyrling to be one of those few. “Interesting?” he repeated as if giving this word some thought. It turned over in his mind several times before he finally nodded. “Yes, I suppose interesting is what it might be. I am looking forward to it.”

Which was only a partial lie. While he was thrilled to be told he would attend them he knew it would only make more trouble for him in some circles. Some of the others already thought he reached too high. Well, who cared? The weyrleader himself had placed him in the class. “I should get back to work so I might finish before Volsteath awakens.” K’mar feared the conversation might falter if he kept talking and so tried to cut it short. Before they got to arguing again. “I am pleased we were able to clear the air.”

[Xinnai]

"I am as well." A slight nod, as she watched with considering eyes. He was such an odd man. She couldn't figure him out, even after their talk. She couldn't decipher whether he was being sincere or lying through his teeth. A blind leap of faith, trusting him would be.

But she had to give him the benefit of the doubt, didn't she?

"I'll talk to you sometime later, I hope." Though it was meant to be a statement, it came out poised as question. She was finding that he was rather intimidating, when there went buffers about them. In the form of her friends. Something came to mind then and she reached out, grabbing at his sleeve. "K'mar, what Deoneth said the other day...she didn't mean it as it came out. She thought you were trying to use me and became angry. She wasn't saying we could never talk. You know that, right?"